Linkology: The Best of the Internet for 6/3/11
Two years ago, a Friday Linkology post briefly discussed how to make the most perfect scrambled eggs you’ve ever had. When I say ‘discussed’ I mean ‘didn’t discuss at all, in any form whatsoever’ because you had to rely on watching a relatively low-quality video to get an idea of how to make them.
Having two years under my belt of making these as my go-to weekend breakfast, I’ve learned a thing or two about the nuances of what makes this recipe live or die. Here, for the first time, I spell it out, details and everything, using special tools called ‘words’.
Now is a good time to tell you I can’t cook much of anything without setting my face on fire and destroying my kitchen. But you should still listen to what I have to say about eggs, because you’re here reading this and there’s really no point in turning back now. If you left now you’d be a quitter, and nobody likes a quitter.
This description is ideal for anyone who has an aversion to amped-up celebrity chefs talking about how to cook eggs; if you don’t, revisit the video here.
- Get a decent-sized saucepan. You’re not going to cook these in your hands, dude.
- Pour a small amount of high-quality olive oil into the pan.
- Throw in a tiny pat of butter, preferably unsalted. The idea is to keep salt out of the mix for as long as possible, because salt sends microscopic sodium vikings into the uncooked egg villages to plunder and pillage the very fabric of their communities. I know this because I just made it up. The viking part, not the salt part. Seriously, keep salt out for now.
- Turn the heat on medium. If you’re using an old electric stove, good luck, because those things are as adjustable as stone pants.
- Assuming you’re cooking for two and neither of you is a gigantic egg vacuum, crack four or five eggs right into the warm pan.
- Get a silicone spatula and start STIRRING.
- Alternate the pan on the heat for about 60 seconds and off for 60. Repeat. KEEP STIRRING. DO NOT EVER STOP.
- Stir.
- Stir. Yes, I know you feel like gnawing your arm off at the elbow.
- When the eggs look like they’re thinking about firming up, lower your heat and fold some diced chive into the mix. You know, the chive you chopped already but I didn’t tell you about. STIR.
- Remove from heat. Wince as circulation returns to your arm.
- If you have any creme freche, toss a dollop in there. This brings the temperature of the eggs down and emulsifies immediately. This is the same idea as adding milk to the eggs and beating them before you cook them, only different. Only BETTER.
- Add 3-4 pinches of coarse sea salt (use a finishing salt if you have one, fancy pants) and a pinch or two of coarse black pepper.
- Remember that sourdough toast I told you to put on back in step 3? No, you don’t, because I never told you. But now you should have a few pieces of toasted sourdough. This’ll learn ya to try recipes before reading them, wonnit?
- Drizzle some olive oil on the toasted sourdough.
- Ladle the eggs atop the bread.
- Devour with a foodie haughtiness.
If you do this right, you will have just made the best scrambled eggs you’ve ever made. Your kids will want you to make them all the time, and you’ll never go back to your old eggs again. You’ll be a regular hero, only without the car, gadgets, cape, powers or inside connection to a guy at the Pentagon to hooks you up with military stuff all the time.
Oh, yes, some links, as if enduring 590+ words about eggs isn’t enough:
A great story about a guy who stole another guy’s MacBook and was busted by an application called Hidden on the MacBook that took pictures and screenshots via the Mac’s webcam and emailed them to the rightful owner. Incredible.
Roger Ebert reviews Terrence Malick’s Tree of Life, easily my most-anticipated film of the year.
Jonathan Franzen, author of Freedom, riffs on life’s ‘Like’ button for his Keyon College commencement address.
Have a good weekend, everyone.
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More links:
MIPRO Consulting main website.
