Why Constructive Criticism Doesn’t Exist
Tony Schwartz, writing for Harvard Business Review, gives three key behaviors to keep an eye on as you seek to give ‘feedback’ to someone else.
1. The first mistake we often make is giving feedback when we are feeling that our own value is at risk. That’s a recipe for disaster, and it happens far more commonly than we think, or are aware.
If we’re feeling threatened or diminished by another person’s perceived shortcomings, providing “constructive criticism” becomes secondary to getting our value back. We’re more likely to be reactive, insensitive and even hurtful.
If it’s about us, it’s not truly about them. Any time we provide feedback with the goal of getting someone to better meet our needs, rather than being responsive to theirs, it’s unlikely to prompt the desired outcome.
A classic example is the parent who confuses his own worth with his child’s performance, and reacts to the child’s missteps with harshness and judgment rather than sensitivity and compassion.
Read the whole thing over at HBR. And trust me, everyone should read it.
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