Linkology: The Best of the Internet for 6/24/11
Recently, Conan O’Brien gave the commencement address to Dartmouth’s 2011 graduating class. Way up in Internet fame already sit Steve Job’s classic address to Stanford, and David Foster Wallace’s speech to Kenyon College. Both of those are smart speeches, steeped in wisdom, bearing heartfelt reflections of difficult roads, personal letdowns and victories. This one…this one is merely soaked in awesome and then flash-fried on the grill of hilarious. Finally, if you’re really smart, you’ll notice that it’s topped off with a foul-smelling metaphor of blogger’s desperation.
Anyway, you have two options by which to absorb Conan’s speech. One is text, which I actually recommend over the video, simply because I like my internal brain-voice more than Conan’s, which is a bit to harsh and yell-y for me. Of course, my internal brain voice sounds like a muppet on Adderall with blocked sinuses, so it’s a pretty tough call all around.
(Personal trivia nobody cares about: I used to try to make James Earl Jones my brain-voice, but that became arduous and creepy, and it took me several months to realize that Darth Vader, while cool and awesome and all that, pretty much ruined James Earl Jones’ voice for me for anything except Darth Vader. I do believe this is the first time a voice has become typecast.)
But if you start reading Conan’s speech, and then that annoying co-worker comes in from down the hall to ask you how to fix the jammed copier for the 11,386th time and you get up to help him but don’t return to Conan’s speech afterward because you think it’s all about quick, cheap puns, stop — you’re wrong. While the speech does have it’s fair share of humor and self-deprecating jokes, there’s some good advice as well. Here, I will excerpt it because I know that even after you fix the copier for the annoying co-worker, Outlook will chirp at you and you’ll have to answer an annoying email from another annoying coworker, so let me just give you a taste of the sage good stuff right now:
So, at the age of 47, after 25 years of obsessively pursuing my dream, that dream changed. For decades, in show business, the ultimate goal of every comedian was to host The Tonight Show. It was the Holy Grail, and like many people I thought that achieving that goal would define me as successful. But that is not true. No specific job or career goal defines me, and it should not define you. In 2000—in 2000—I told graduates to not be afraid to fail, and I still believe that. But today I tell you that whether you fear it or not, disappointment will come. The beauty is that through disappointment you can gain clarity, and with clarity comes conviction and true originality.
Oh, but you’re reading this blog post now and have no intention of clicking over to Conan’s speech transcript but you really, really want to see a funny part? Well, here’s a sample for you, but you probably don’t deserve it because, seriously, you’re getting pretty lazy:
Though some of you may see me as a celebrity, you should know that I once sat where you sit. Literally. Late last night I snuck out here and sat in every seat. I did it to prove a point: I am not bright and I have a lot of free time.
But this is a wonderful occasion and it is great to be here in New Hampshire, where I am getting an honorary degree and all the legal fireworks I can fit in the trunk of my car.
You know, New Hampshire is such a special place. When I arrived I took a deep breath of this crisp New England air and thought, “Wow, I’m in the state that’s next to the state where Ben and Jerry’s ice cream is made.”
Of course, there’s a video version on this speech in which Conan spends about 25 minutes behind a shockingly cheap-looking podium on what appears to be a pretty lousy day and yells. I say ‘yells’ because he delivers the speech very loudly, as if to overcome a turbine or small explosion behind him, and this delivery sort of degrades the content for me. It also degrades it because I am superficial and sometimes socially-awkward, and 9 out of 10 times I prefer the silent company of text rather than the sharp, bangy alchemy of social interaction with other human beings. Anyway, the video pales a bit in my opinion.
So, here’s the moving picture version. You be the judge, smartypants:
So you come here not to read my stupid, windy Friday preamble, but to see what links I’ve culled for you so you can read something interesting before you head home for the weekend instead of staring at Excel pivot tables all day. That’s cool, I get it. Here are your links, Mr. or Mrs. Shortcut-taker. Enjoy.
Using pivot tables in Excel 2007 to organize data.
In celebrating their Stanley Cup victory, the Boston Bruins ran up a $156,679.74 bar tab, including a $100,000 bottle of ACE of Spades MIDAS champagne. Safe to say that Danielle, the server, had the best tip night of her life.
A quick guide to some of the people, places and things you might encounter while playing pickup basketball this summer.
Have a good weekend, everyone.
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More links:
MIPRO Consulting main website.
